Ok, Colin Dubb here. What is one of the most common challenge that we hear from clients? Not too many points for guessing, and no surprises either. I am afraid to approach women would be the number one concern that we hear at Day Game Dating. Just like dentists have the highest suicide rate in Australia, an interesting fact if you did not know (it’s true by the way, go look it up). Well another common fact would be regarding fear. What do people fear most? First is the fear of public speaking which I’m not going to address at this time, and number two is the fear of cold approaching women. This is what I want to talk about.
Look, having worked with clients around Australia for over four years I have had the privilege to gain a real understanding of this phenomenon known as approach anxiety. Approach anxiety is a term for describing a genuine reluctance in men to approach women. Even thinking about doing it for most men can cause anxiety.
Why Men Are Afraid of the Cold Approach
I will break this down as much as I can. Developing awareness around something can really help to eliminate it. Everybody has an image of themselves or at least an idea of how they want to appear to others. As a defence, we try to see ourselves in a positive light (more so than we really are) and portray some perfection. We want to feel capable and perfect and equally as important, we want other people to see us as capable and perfect. Most people strive to uphold this image as they feel that this is what people will accept.
This is not necessarily a bad thing, I mean we all want to show our best side and make a good impression. Where things go pair shaped is when we begin to minimise any risk taking that may generate opportunity for us in our lives. What if we try something and things don’t work out? People will see this and make bad judgements. They may see us in a way that we do not desire.
Let’s take a look at cold approaching women.
Your walking around with this self preserving image, trying to portray some sort of perfection. You see a woman that catches your eye. There she is, right in front of you, she looks good and is all alone. All you have to do is go over and say hallo. But what happens…
All of a sudden the anxiety occurs and negative thoughts race around your mind. What if I make a mistake and don’t appear smooth, what if I stuff up and what if she doesn’t want to talk to me? All of this fear is tied up with your image. If any of this occurs, than you may look bad.
The above could also be described as very ego based, as in having a very superficial view of the world and where you fit in. If you are only concerned with an outside image and externalities than approach anxiety becomes very real.
I talk a lot about something called authenticity – as in being real, being in the present and being true to yourself. In my way of thinking, if you don’t work through your flaws, and only ever rely on a false front, an image, than you will always struggle. You will work hard to maintain this external perception and lose any ability to actually take risks. In this case, cold approaching women.
Hopefully reading this and getting an understanding will start you on a process, a process of eliminating approach anxiety. I understand that upon first reading this may not make much sense (or it could be just what is needed), but try to think about these concepts and how they may apply to you.
After the pickup lines and so called techniques have failed to yield you much of a result, it’s time to begin working on the bigger picture stuff, the true way to succeed with women, the foundations… This is where it’s all at guys and how you begin the proper process of mastery over women, dating, and developing relationships.
Where to Begin
Our courses would have to be the best out there when it comes to dating coaching for men. We have been operating since 2006 and have literally had 100′s of happy clients come through. The best place to begin is to get onto our FREE mailing list where you can also pick up a copy of my eBook The Five Vital Principles for Picking up Women. Follow the link below to get onto this list;
Want to know more about what we do?
Visit the official website: www.daygamedating.com.au